March 31, 2007

[10 months ago] I got this picture in hard copy from Gen for Valentine's Day. It's taken me *this* long to scan it into the 'puter and put it up here. I must say, though, that it is an outstanding picture of all 6 of us. We look absolutely fabulous dressed to the nines for Alyssa & Dave's wedding (wedding pics were posted on June 13, 2006). Can you believe that was TEN months ago? Time flies by so quickly when you're having fun...

[L to R] Tony, Me, Gen (preggers with Hanora!), the beautiful bride Alyssa, Rob and Mikko

I cannot wait to relive those good times with Gen who is coming with Tom and Hanora on Monday, YAY! @ 00:07

March 30, 2007

[the weekend saga...] ...continues.

Saturday. As if searching for a respite, Chris and I revitalized with power-shopping on Saturday. As soon as we could function again (i.e. 2pm), we hopped over to Pentagon for the beginning of the "Paris and Nicole Goes Shopping" day.

We. Bought. *Ehhhhh*-verything.

It all started out innocently (oh, don't they all...) with the Apple store. We could've gone to the standalone one in Clarendon but nooooo, I needed hairgel from Aveda. So off we went to Pentagon City. La ti da. Within 2 minutes of walking in the store, Chris drops $500+ on gadgets (bitch loves her Apple toys) and then another hundred plus at Best Buy for cables.

I bought an earphone. But I would soon catch up with a vengeance!

We moved on from there to Aveda, where I dropped $100 on hairgel. That will last me, oh, 3 months maybe. *hands on hips* Yes my hair is high maintenance so shut your trap or I'm gonna make you eat your teeth. Then it was off to the gay Nordstrom where we stocked up on discounted underwear (um, CK :-p) and checked out the gay Rail i.e where the upper middle class Dupont Queens go to shop. I drooled over some Diesel jeans, but none of them fit me (not even a 30!). At one point, I was looking through a whole rack of them and mused out loud to Chris that all of those were fat people jeans (32s and 34s? Bitch, pls). He looked through them and said: "I can't find a size that will fit me." LOL! Bitch is not fat. He's just muscular *muah*. So, we left without making too much damage, but not before Chris got cruised in the Nordstrom bathroom, LOL! Yea, that Nordstrom is so gay I'm surprised their bathrooms don't have gloryholes.

Anyhoe, 'nuff of that. We were starving at this point so I dragged Chris to Kaz. But Kaz was not open till 6pm, grrr. To satisfy our hunger, we went to Georgetown and miraculously (and ominously) got a parking spot right in front of Diesel. I was practically soiling my Zara jeans thinking about Diesel so we sauntered in with intention but not fervor.

Hah, that lasted for about 30 seconds. As soon as I found my store assistant (Joe?) who proceeded to pick out a few pairs of jeans for me to try after talking to him for 2 minutes, I was in Heaven. This guy read me like a picture book for kids. I mean, he brought out everything I've ever wanted in a pair of jeans. Low-rise, boot cut, tight and cute and perky and perfect (hmm, am I still describing the jeans or how I look in them? *GRIN*).

First, I tried a size 30. Hah, it was loose enough that I could fit a whole fist in it. So he gave me a 29 and a 28. I tried the 29, and it looked cute. Everyone there thought so (of course, by now, I had made it a runway show and rounded up all the working bitches there to judge me). Joe asks me if they fit better, and I was like, "well, if I took off the top button, the jeans would fall to the ground." He was like, "try the 28s". I was like, "fuck no, I don't want to be an emaciated 12-year-old."

I tried on the 28 and they fit like some 14yo sweatshop worker had made it for me. Perfection! And mor-ti-fy-ing. TWENTY EIGHT?! I don't think I've had a 28" waist since... high school :-o Shocking. One gay-tight shirt and pair of fetch Diesel shoes later - with Chris unable to resist temptation and buying a pair of pants himself - we leave the store $600 poorer. Crossing the street to Zara was almost mandatory at this point. I found the shirts that I really liked there for less than they had cost in London (no wonder the Brits love to go to NYC)... so I bought 4 *giggle*. What? It's spring and I need a whole new wardrobe for the season. Last season's shit will NOT do. Tim Gunn would agree. Anyho, I also bought a fetch Nehru-collared jacket. And my credit card got denied, LOL! Apparently, I had smoked it out after our Hilton-Ritchie shopping buying spree. Death by swiping.

And that, ladies, is how Chris and I dropped 2g's in one day. FETCH! We really didn't go shopping. We went BUYING. The funny thing was we saw the same queens at Nordstrom, Diesel and Zara. It was like the gay shopping circuit. Hot.

Flush with purchases (but not cash), we made it up to Van Ness to pick up L'David and Ken and met Rick at Bistrot du Coin. Of course, the pussy jokes started flying as soon as L'David and I were reunited ("Pussy Get Together!"), and there was also an embarassing, get-stared-at-by-str8-ppl moment where my reverberating (almost cackling) voice travelled a lil' too far, screaming pussy at the top of my lungs. But whatev...

Mussels and Moet were flying everywhere at Bistrot du Coin, of course. Loved it. After dinner, and having exhausted ourselves of the DC gay nightlife scene, we decided to have a lil' rooftop soirée at Chris'. It was supposed to be chill. And low-key. And quasi-sober. But most of all, memorable coz we didn't want to get shit-faced.

The evening ended when we were drinking vodka out of the Svedka bottle (which enabler Rick fetched out of the cellar), and L'David did some naked yoga before throwing up in the kitchen sink (thank god for the disposal). GIGGLE. I swear to God we are so juvenile. No self-control whatsoever.

Highlights:

L'David:: (to me) Did you see last week's America's Next Top Model?
Rick:: Bitch only watches America's Next Top.

Me:: (to everyone) Did you guys hear about the $5500 liposuction that Evan was talking about?
L'David:: Would you like hepatitis with that liposuction?

Me:: (to L'David) How did you end up in DC?
Rick:: She fell off a blueberry picking truck.
L'David:: Kiat blew here in the tsunami.

L'David:: (to me) Hey BOB.
Me:: What's Bob?
L'David:: Bossy Oriental Bottom.
Rick:: More like Bossy Whore-riental Bottom.
Me:: I'm not a rug.

L'David:: (to Rick) Shut up or I'll make you lick my left nut.
Rick:: They're more like Skittles.

L'David:: (to everyone) I love pineapple. Pineapple digests protein.
Rick:: Should we all cum in your mouth?

L'David:: (to Chris) Your double-chin is underlit.
Kiat:: Is that the Chin Dynasty?

Chris:: (quoting from the movie "Trick) Have you ever had cum in your eye before? It BURRRRRNS...
Rick:: (to me) Your eyes are so small, cum will never get in it.

Skittles! Tee-hee. If Balls Could Talk...

Sunday. Looooord have Mercy. Rick crashed at my place and L'David crashed at Chris'. We literally reconvened at 11 the next morning after going to bed at 3. Chris invited us over for some Nelly Frittatas. It was like Act 1, Scene 2. Only this time, we had two bottles of Chandon with us. And they had OJ. It was the perfect get together. Yup, the drinking resumed. We literally broke long enough just for sleep, and then we were back.

I must've eaten an entire pig's worth of bacon and sausages. The shiitake (or "shit take", as L'David calls 'em) mushrooms and the scrambled eggs were soooo yummy, actually almost unbelievably so. I made the mistake of asking Chris for the recipe at which point he says "bacon grease". Bitch poured the oil from the cooked bacon all over everything. I felt my arteries clogging right there and then. So gross, but so good.

After a brunch with 5 parts pig and 10 parts mimosas, we went shopping. Rick had to go to therapy, though I have no idea why since he had just spent the weekend regurgitating all his dramas to us. Bitch should be paying us! Anyhoe, first we went to Dupont (aka Judgement) Circle to check out the boys. Trust me when I say, on a nice sunny day, if you ain't pretty you don't want to be walking through the Circle coz you WILL be read. And shredded. We stopped by Universal Queer (there is NO way we were gonna buy anything after spending two grand the day before), at which point all the drunk bitches amongst us (um, Chris and L'David) decided that it was time for JR's. FOUR o'clock! *faints*

I obediently (and not-so-reluctantly) went along. I was tired. And bitchy. And drunk. I drank some more (it is a moral obligation to drink when drinks are $2 each). The usual suspects piled into the bar. It was crowded. The sun had not set when I left. I was done. My liver was gonna haul me to The Hague and charge me for abuse. I've even nicknamed my liver Guantanamomo. "I will destroy you!"

Phew... I definitely did not go out Monday and Tuesday night. Even young (hah) ol' me cannot keep up with all that partying. And I'm too exhausted now to write about Wed and Thurs night. It's safe to say I got trashed again both nights (JR's and Omega on Wed, and Halo last night). I met lots of fun people. Watching American Idol at JR's on Wed was hot. Omega was skanky. Meeting fun work peeps at Halo last night for Happy Hour was a total blast. The parties never stop...

I won't even talk about my upcoming week. It's already chocked full.

It's so hard to be me ;-) @ 17:53

[...in words] Well, I had high hopes of writing up my past week in a big long dissertation about, well, mostly drinking *grin* (kidding!). But the beautiful sunny day outside combined with a lack of managerial presence at the office today meant a 2-hour lunch, which pretty much took up my entire day (coz I *do* do work the rest of the time :-p). LOL! I love Fridays. Or just any excuse to walk all the way to Dupont and sit outside for lunch on a beautiful day.

Anyhoe, I can barely remember what happened last Friday. Hmm, that's probably because we drank from 5pm on Friday till 8pm on Sunday! Seriously, ladies... at my old age? Chris was back in action and Dave was still out of town, so last weekend was pretty much the Adventures of Chris and Kiat in DC. Oh, and plus Lil' "who wants to butt rape a Mexican" David. Jason, who has a profile on mygapingspace.com, and Rick, who hasn't been seen since he found xtube, and a few other hot chicks (Jennifer-Love-Michelle-Sarah-Felicity, Mary, etc.) rounded out the whole drunkathon weekend. I had quite a blast, even if I don't remember half of it!

Friday, like I said, started out at 5. Chris and I met Jason, Laurie, Britton and Amy at Lauriol Plaza for some outdoor margarita action. It was a sensationally gorgeous 80+° day and Lauriol Plaza was the only choice for happy hour libations. I made the mistake of walking the 14 blocks or so from my office to Lauriol... in the heat! When I got there, I was drenched and needed to quench... so we ordered a giant pitcher of frozen margarita *giggle*. Between the five of us (Amy showed up late... amazing she showed up at all!), we pounded 4 pitchers of margaritas. HOT. Those frozen margaritas are killer at Lauriol! I was slurring after one, and was pretty much on the floor after 2 (or 4... who's counting). Aww, I miss Lauriol.

With Amy's arrival, Jason, in his infinite wisdom, wanted shots. We sent him to go get shots and bitch comes back from the bar with 5 *high balls* of soco-cran, LOL! Of course, everyone downs their soco-cran like it came in a shot glass. Of course, it tasted like cough syrup. Of course, I wasn't crazy enough to participate in the "one sococran, two sococran, three sococran, FLOOR!" exercise.

Jason and his twinkie whores left for the Snow Patrol concert, while Chris and I went out in search of trouble. And trouble is so easy to find in Dupont. First, we ended up at Hank's while we waited for everyone else to powder their ass and get their shit together for the gorgeous (and ruinous) evening that lay ahead. We each had TWO dozen oysters (plus a few glasses of wine), racking up a $160 bill... just for oysters and wine. Trouble.

Then, we got the pussy signal from Lil' David which met us in front of JR's... Trouble. Oh wait, how could I forget. JR's was closed for 2+ nights last week, OMB! Over Thursday night!! I know, quelle horreur! They had apparently been busted for serving an underage person and had their license suspended, blah blah. WTF cares. We (and all of Thursday JR's) trudged up to Cobalt instead and partied at their outdoor patio which was way fun. They even ported the all-you-can-drink-for-$9 special from JR's to Cobalt! Fetch trouble. I stayed at Cobalt with Aaron and Evan (and George!) way too late but left before the underwear contest at midnight, thank God.

Oh, anyhoe... bat signal, err I mean pussy signal. So yes, it shone from JR's, met pussy there, pussy had a pussy-friend in tow (Mary!) and pussy-friend's ID had expired. Good God. And the night after a liquor license suspension was NOT the night to try and sneak a pretty much ID-less chickie-pooh into the bar. Not with cops all over. Oh well, we flirted our way into Halo instead. Trouble. What happened after that can only be described as the AA Rebellion Party. Chris, L'David, Mary, and I were joined by Jason/Laurie/Amy plus L'David's new roomate (Erich?) and his stanky gaysian bf (LOL, kidding). Together, we tore the upstairs of Halo apart. I have no idea why we did more shots. But we did. I have no idea why we got falling down drunk. But we did. It was pandemonium. Trrr-rouble!

I don't remember what happened next but I do remember eating my body weight in instant noodles before going to bed (note to self: oysters are not filling!). And that's... only Friday night! @ 16:50

[the past week...] Random pics from the past 7 days... of pure, unadulterated drinking! *giggle*

[L] Laurie, me and Chris at Lauriol Plaza last Friday. We started drinking at 5, LOL!
[R] The USAT goddesses - Amy and Laurie

[L] When Jason gets drunk, he reminisces about Wet!
[R] Lil' David and I kickin' off Halo with evil shots!

[L] Me and my ho's! - Feisty Mary and Amy
[R] Me and my sluts! - Feisty Mary and David

[L] Exotic pussies!
[R] Me and the fierce USAT ho's

[L] Chris, me, Mary and Lil' David
[R] Aww... Sisterly Love

[L] Bean and the Bean Queen
[R] Pussy show pussy!

[L] Rick, Chris, Lil' David, Ken and Me, DRUNK on Chris' roofdeck last Saturday!
[R] Day after (Sunday) - The aftermath...

[L] Lil' David: "When I see shoes that big... I ask for their number"
[R] Lil' David at JR's Sunday with my sunnies on

[L] Olga and her cousin - My first Belarusians!.. from last night
[R] Todd, Me, Chris and David @ Halo

Rick, I'm-so-tall-you-can-blow-me-standing-up Hottie Matt and Me!

Fun times, *giggle* @ 11:37

[correo-e en español] I received my first ever e-mail in Spanish today! *giggle*

Lil' David moved into Dupont/Kalorama yesterday and he sent out a bilingual "new address" (ahem, nueva dirección... these damn foreign accented letters are a BITCH to type in HTML!!) e-mail to the masses.

It's very cute. Here goes:

Queridos familiares:

Por favor désen cuenta de mi nueva dirección. Desde ayer es:

[blah blah blah] (*E*verybody knows where he lives...)

Mi teléfono es el mismo: xxx xxx xxxx (It's on every bathroom wall in the city)

¡Que estén bien!

Con mucho cariño,
David

Foreign languages are so fetch.

My "welcome to the gayborhood" reply was:

Pussy become neighbors!

:-D @ 10:10

March 27, 2007

[pussy collection] Another one to add to the compendium.

Setup: (Dirty) Lil' (Mexican) David and I were peeing (Lordy, another pee posting) at the urinals in JR's on Sunday. Bitch looks at me and goes:

Pussy pee standing up!

LOL! I should make her do my windows for that insolence... @ 15:37

[weather bliss] Oh what a beautiful morrrrrning. It's not even 10am and it's already 65° outside. Heaven!

I am *so* ready for summer. So's my South African tan ;-) @ 09:58

March 26, 2007

[100k pee] So, Phillip - aka "if I had eye bags, they would be Louis Vuitton" - was in Vegas this past weekend having the time of his life celebrating a friend's birthday. That lucky bitch. But what made my jaw drop (and I mean, drrr-rop) was when he sent me this text message:

Holy shit. We are drinking a $100k bottle of wine.

:-o

Holy Mother of Everything Precious! I was like, "you have GOT to be fucking kidding me..." No points for guessing whose birthday party he was at ;-) *giggle* When did I become so coy about mentioning people's names on here?

Let's see, half a bottle of wine... or a new BIMMER??! Good Lord.

Anyhoe, the next day...

Me:: How does it feel pissing out 100k? Giggle
Phillip:: Lol I was trying to work out how much I could sell my pee for this morning

ROTFLMAO. I literally projectile spit out my vodka-cran across JR's.

I love my Brit-ch!

P/S: What is up with the consecutive days of postings that have pee in it?? @ 21:50

[500 days] 500 days till Beijing 2008 - the Games of the XXIX Olympiad - which are scheduled to open at 8:08pm and 8 seconds on August 8th, 2008 (08-08-08). In case you're wondering, the number 8 in Chinese means prosperity.

The giant countdown clock in front of the National Museum of China at Tiananmen Square in Beijing

2008 will be the year when China wakes... @ 17:43

[cojonudo] Or rather, what they never taught you in Spanish 101 (from the NYT today):

Guay (gwhy) - Cool.
Cojonudo (ko-ho-NOO-doh) - Better than cool.
Me mola (may MO-la) - Love it!
Alucino (ah-lu-THEE-no) - Can't believe it!
Paso (PAH-so) - Couldn't care less.
Juerguista (hwer-GHEE-stah) - Party animal.
Cutre (KOO-tray) - Seedy, lacking class. Sometimes used affectionately, as in, "Sometimes the most cutre places serve the best tapas."
Ligar (lee-GAR) - To pick up someone.
Hortera (or-TER-ah) - Flashy, tacky, kitschy.
Fashion (FASH-yohn) - Trendy, obsessed with the latest. Used as an adjective, not necessarily related to clothing, as in, "The people who hang out in Chueca are really fashion."
Gente guapa (HEN-tay GWA-pah) - Beautiful people.
Pijo (PEE-ho) - A posh and conservative type, as in, "That party at the golf club was crawling with pijos."

Together with pronunciation for us clueless Anglophiles.

Me mola! @ 14:38

[i ♥ subways] Granted, I haven't been a subway commuter in almost 9 months now (wow, can you believe I've been at this new job for NINE months already??), but I still love the subway. OK, OK, I have been known to thumb my nose at public transportation (as in, "bitch pls, I don't take the subway") or channel Karen Walker when she said to Grace, "is this another one of your little stories about how people travel underground in a network of trains and tunnels?"... but really, I am a big fan of the subway ever since I rode my first one (in Singapore) in 1991.

Well, I am a little spoilt (OK, a lot) in that I have a car and I can get around far quicker in DC than the subway. Not to mention traffic and parking in DC is nowhere near as horrendous or expensive as other (and far denser) metropolitan areas. Which is why I don't take the subway as often as I would like. Plus, the service in DC kinda sucks in terms of off-peak frequency and reliability. Now, if I were in NYC, London or Tokyo...

Anyhoe, here's an article from Virgin Vacations on the Top 11 Underground Transit Systems Throughout the World. Imagine my shock when I read that DC is not on the list! And neither is Singapore. And I can't believe that old thing London is #1 (Virgin is based in the UK... biased!). I know, right... WTF?

I've only ridden on 7 of the Top 11. Madrid, Moscow, Montreal and Sao Paulo eludes me. But check out the article, if only for the pictures alone which are gorgeous.

Ranked in order, did you know that...

London's Tube is the world's largest (253mi) and oldest (1863), and most expensive (£4 per ride!)
Paris' Metro is the second oldest (1900) and trains arrive every 90 seconds to less than 4 minutes all day (!)
Paris' Metro is ubiquitous - Every building in Paris is within 500m (1640ft) of a Metro station
Moscow's Metro is the world's busiest - 3.2bn riders/yr, 8.2mn/day!
Madrid's Metro is Europe's 2nd and the world's 6th largest
Tokyo's Subway carries 2.8bn riders/yr and the seats are heated!
Seoul's Subway is the world's 3rd busiest and carries 8mn riders/day
NYC's Subway is the world's most extensive - 468 stations & 26 lines
NYC's Subway carries 1.45bn riders/yr (#4 in the world), 5.1mn/day
NYC's Subway is the only 24 hour subway on the list
Montreal's Metro... Why is this on the list instead of DC??
Beijing's Subway is expanding from 71mi to nearly 300mi, and costs 3 yuan or 40 cents per trip
HK's MTR is tiny (56mi) but carries 2.46mi riders per day; 8 times denser than DC's Metro
Sao Paulo's Metro... should not be on the list

Just for comparison, DC's Metro is the second busiest in the States after NYC, carrying 206mn passengers per year (at least we beat Chicago!), and 10th largest in the world with 106.3mi of track and 86 stations. Oh, and did you also know that Wheaton Metro station has the longest single-span uninterrupted escalator (230 ft) in the Western Hemisphere? Fun. @ 12:26

[it smells?] Since none of my friends want to own up to this quote (and frankly, I was much too inebriated the entire weekend to remember who mouthed it), I shall say I picked this up from some random stranger which really does make it more funny.

So... overheard from the street (or the bar) this past weekend:

"I hate coke but I love the way it smells."

Teehee.

No, I've never done lines in my life :-p but I do love coke humor. @ 10:56

[most beloved] I was feeling a lil' down and out this morning... remnants of a non-stop party weekend that started on, oh, Thursday night :-D Coming down from a high is always a bitch. I came to work in one of my moods (yes, I PMS :-p) and look what I found in my mailbox from our office in Tokyo:

"[blah blah blah]... [we] knew how hard you were working and never lost faith..."

"Thank you, again, for your help. Your name has been added to [our] 'most beloved' list. The list is chiseled in stone."

"Warm regards."

"Most beloved", awww...

I've always known I was huge in Japan but this just confirms it.

In the immortal (and slightly misremembered) words of Sally Field at the '85 Oscars: "You love me, you really love me!" @ 10:52

March 25, 2007

[pee] Lil' David alerted me last night to this priceless little "missed connection" on craigslist... BTW, if you don't know what a "missed connection" is, chances are you're not old enough to read this so scroll on :-p

You Pissed Yourself at Dupont Circle McDonalds on 17th Street - m4m - 39

You were passed out at McDonald's last night. You had pissed your pants and were drooling on yourself. We tried to revive you to no avail. The guy you were with left you. You left with the paramedics. Call me. Let's get a happy meal.

LOL! We both pee'd ourselves.

Good morning! Rick is in the guest bedroom and let's just say bitch can sleep! @ 10:24

March 23, 2007

[fluc you] Aaron and his bad Asian jokes...

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. There was a short line.

Just one guy in front of me, an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla for yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

"Fluc you!"... I love it. I'm gonna have to start using that. @ 14:12

March 21, 2007

[disarming] I have just been told by one of my co-workers that my laughter is "disarming". According to Google's definition (and, of course, Google is omniscient), disarming means: "capable of allaying suspicion or hostility and inspiring confidence".

*scratches my head*

Hmm, who knew my laughter could bring about world peace? I should get on Miss Universe.

So, who in Heavens thought it would be a good idea to sandwich a 44° day between a 60+ and 70+ day?? It was fr-reee-zing this morning when I set off to work. It must be that time of the month again for Mother Nature. Thank God it's gonna be in the 70s tomorrow. You wouldn't know that spring is here, but today is the vernal equinox which marks the beginning of the Northern Hemisphere spring.

I have a love-hate relationship with spring. It's the best time of the year when the flowers are all in bloom and the weather is getting nicer (even if it does rain a lot here). The days are getting longer and the anticipation of summer reaches a feverish pitch by mid-spring. But it's also a much dreaded time of the year for me coz my allergies are at its worst. They haven't really flared up yet this year, but it's only a matter of time. I feel it coming.

The vernal equinox is quite an amazing phenomenon. Why? Coz did you know that on this day, everywhere on the planet - from San Francisco to Sydney, Kuala Lumpur to Cape Town - experiences 12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of nightime? Everywhere.

And can you believe it's that time of the year again? The 95th National Cherry Blossom Festival starts in 10 days with peak bloom occurring on or around that date.

Ahh, spring. Oh how I have missed thee. @ 16:00

March 20, 2007

[beautiful cape town] Here they are, the pictures from our phenomenal trip to Cape Town for Chris' 40th birthday. There are no pics from our safari yet but you better not be bitchin' at me about that coz it took for-effing-ever (3 days) to get these pics up! It's tough sifting through gigabytes of pictures... not to mention the three cameras that we had (my SD630, my camera phone and Tony's new G7) which meant all the pictures were not grouped chronologically and I had to figure out which came first, etc. Note to self: next time, use one camera!

Without further ado, click on each picture to go to the respective photo albums:

Cape Town, South Africa

Stellenbosch and Franschhoek (Wine Country)

Cape Peninsula

Table Mountain

I really did have the best time there. Cape Town is magnificent. @ 22:59

[i want...] It is for sale... finally.

The new 3-series hard-top (ohhh, yum) convertible in Montego Blue Metallic *drool* @ 17:22

[random thoughts] So I was walking south on 19th from Dupont this morning and for some reason my head was flooded with random thoughts once I passed M Street or so:

"Aww, look at all these Mexican gardeners. I'm sooo glad I have an education."
"Pansies! I love the yellow ones."
"That means cherry blossoms are coming soon."
"Why are all these cars parked on 19th?? DC cops are useless."
"[song] I'm bringin' sexy back..."
"There are too many parking garages in DC. People should be walking/Metro-ing."
"Don't you dare, bitch. I have right-of-way."
"People-watching on the sidewalks is great before 9. I should wake up early more often."
"I wish I was in London or New York..."
"[song] You want all my love and my devotion..."
"Nooshi!" (we go there for lunch sometimes)
"Eww, who farted... Oh, it's the trash truck."
"The Golden Triangle trash guys do trash pick ups in their Durangos?? Duh-yamm!"
"Sneakers?? Hideous."
"Fetch coat."
"[song] If I wrote you a symphony..."
"Potbelly!"
"T-Mobile store... Ooh, I need a new phone."
"Three words for those CFMPs - Ouch, ouch, ouch."
"Dude, WTF are you wearing?"
"Wow, that smells good. Ugh, I feel fat... stop thinking about breakfast."
"She's tall. AND wearing heels!"
"Help Wanted."
"That overcoat SO does not fit you."
"[song] There's only so much you can learn in one place..."
"Why don't they time these lights better?"
"Gurrrl, those pumps are fierce!"
"I wish my legs were that long. I'd get to work faster."
"Oh gurl, didn't yo' momma tell you that pink and navy blue don't go together?"
"Hmm, he's cute. Nice ass too. Check out that swagger, whew."
"I like my office building."
"[song] You must not know about me..."

And that's only four blocks (half my commute) worth of thoughts! It's weird what you think about when you're bobbing down the street with headphones on. @ 09:25

March 19, 2007

[bush's ashes] Mayor Rocky Anderson of Salt Lake City, UT:

"We think if impeachment were ever justified, this certainly is the time. This president, by engaging in such incredible abuses of power, breaches of trust with both the Congress and the American people, and misleading us into this tragic, unbelievable war, the violation of treaties, either international or our Constitution -- our own domestic law, and then his role in heinous human rights abuses, I think all of that together calls for impeachment and certainly would communicate to the rest of the world that is not who we are as the American people."

Remember, this is the same Utah that voted 72-26 for President Bush (over Kerry) in 2004.

Impeachment? Blah... I want him tried for war crimes. And then I want the whole nation to do a happy jig on the ashes of his Presidency.

I know, vicious :-) @ 22:47

March 16, 2007

[wild weather] DC weather is kwazy. How did we go from shorts-and-T-shirts to scarfs-and-gloves weather in 3 hours??

Since we got back, it's been in the high 50s to 60s, then a 70° high on Tuesday followed by a scorcher on Wed (80°!) for the Going the Extra Mile event where we sweltered at the French Ambassador's Residence in Kalorama. Then yesterday, it was a perfectly fine 70° when we went out to lunch up until 2:30pm (what can I say, we take looong ass lunches). Then things went south really quickly, coz by 6pm it was a frigid 48°. And then it started raining. I was miserably cold and wet by the time we got to the Finnish Embassy for an art opening. I didn't have a jacket on coz I wasn't expecting 40s considering I left the house in the a.m. and it was in the 60s! Not fetch!

And now they're telling us it's gonna be 36° for a high (!!) on St Tragic's Day tomorrow? WTF?? One of my top two favorite (drinking) holidays of the year... ruined. Sigh. At least I have three house parties to choose from which will put me safely (i.e. not wandering around the dark, drunken, puke-laden streets of Dupont) and warmly indoors for the whole day.

And WTF is up with this monsoon rain in March?? Walking to work this morning was like wading through floodwaters to go to school back when I was younger (OK, that never happened but it could've in monsoon-happy Malaysia...). My shoes, socks and lower half of my jeans were completely soaked. Not to mention my fetch faux-suede Mandarina Duck murse was drenched! The orange became a dark brown color, eww. Talk about a hate crime against my lovely Italian manbag.

Not having learnt my lesson, we ventured out again for Five Guys in even heavier rains just now for lunch, and there was so much rain my *feet* are now wet. The shoes are off, the socks are hanging off my table lamp like some Third World balcony, my jean legs are rolled up, and my toes are air-drying. I look like a (non-manual) laborer. I should consider propping my feet up on the table, *giggle*.

Five Guys was just meh. I don't think it's worth busting my blood pressure, cholesterol and/or waist size just for cheeseburger. The fries were also just OK. None of that, however, stopped me from gorging on burger and fries like I haven't eaten beef or potato in 3 months. I'm so bloated right now I could float my way home in the river-like streets outside.

So, yea... this week was back-to-back Embassy week. The French Ambassador's Residence on Wednesday night was a nice change of pace from the Canadian-Finnish Embassies of years past. Monsieur Ambassadeur and Madame Levitte's abode in Kalorama is GOR-geous. Understated and elegant is how I would describe it. There were paintings from the Tuileries and Versailles on the walls, and the back patio is a ginormous semi-circular stone patio that spills into Rock Creek. A phenomenal setting for a beautiful day outside. The people were the usual ho-hum lawyers (it was a charity for lawyers after all). But the food, OMB, the food... Pâté on toast, quail eggs with caviar, lots of wonderful tarts (myself included, of course), delicious macarons of all flavors - chocolate, lime, praline, strawberry, desserts as far as the eye can see, and Piper-Heidsieck champagne on the house!! A guaranteed good time. I ate, but didn't drink, far too much. Oh, and House Majority Leader Congressman Hoyer (D-MD) was there. Yawn.

The Finnish Embassy event last night was also fun. The same usual suspects were there (Rob/Mikko, MichaelG, Noi, etc.) and we were like, "another night, another embassy... woe is us" *giggle*. It was an art opening night for this Finnish dude who paints ducks. Sounds corny, but his paintings were actually quite good (they got better with liquor... doesn't everything?). One that I particularly enjoyed was a dark-feathered duck and a white duck in bed together. Rob pointed to it and said to me, "hey that's you and Tony!"

There were ducks in wedding gowns, Madonna duck and child, Victorian ducks, etc. Quite amusing, I must say. The food (by Mikko) was fab as usual - meatballs, spring rolls, hors d'oeuvres of all yummy flavors and bite sizes, lots - I mean, LOTS - of desserts, and free alcohol, of course. I gorged myself silly for the second night in a row. After the Embassy, we went to JR's and had a drunken ol' time with Rick and Jason. Fun.

Chris is on his way back to DC. Mike/Gary are en route to South Africa (jealous). The weekend is here. And we are actually in town for almost the next three months.

Back to routine, which is just fine by me! @ 14:14

March 15, 2007

[none of the above] I never thought a day would come when I would laud a Republican Senator while chastising two Democrat Senators (who are both running for President!).

First of all, General Pace is a dickwad and he should be fired for injecting his personal views on homosexuality into public and/or military policy matters. I didn't care what he thought of gays or gays in the military to begin with, but now that he has said his spiteful piece about the topic... Man, what a bigoted moron and a complete asshole. He should NOT be chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, not because of what he personally believes but for being idiotic enough to blurt out his bigoted beliefs during a newspaper interview. In uniform!! Shame!

He only has the Gods to thank for Alberto Gonzales. Otherwise, the media firestorm will swirl around him until he is reduced to ashes. Boy, would I like to see that.

And then, poor Presidential hopeful Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) stepped up to the plate and, well, poseur-ed herself out of this whole "gays in the military" debate. When GMA asked her if homosexuality was immoral, her priceless answer was:

"Well, I'm going to leave that to others to conclude."

:-o

Why "leave that to others"? What kind of a fucked up poll-tested, computerized hedging answer is that?

Hideous.

Isn't there only ONE answer to that question? "Absolutely not"? Am I expecting too much from the Democratic Party? I have to say that her (non-)answer is almost as bad as General Pace's. Actually, no, it's worse. Coz General Pace is not running for President.

And to add salt-laden insult to a debilitating injury, here's Senator Barack Obama's (D-IL) answer on the same eff-ing question:

"I think traditionally the Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman has restricted his public comments to military matters. That's probably a good tradition to follow."

TRADITION??! Is it OK for General Pace to challenge the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (which granted your sorry ass the right to vote) and then have nobody say nothing about it because it is "a good tradition to follow"? No? Then STFU coz it ain't OK in this case either.

If these so-called Democratic Presidential Candidates can't exercise HUMAN leadership on bigotry and ignorance that the Democratic Party claims to be fighting tooth and nail against, why should anyone bloody vote for them??

Don't Ask them about gay rights, coz they fucking Won't Tell!

Sickening.

On the flipside, here's what Senator John Warner (R-VA) - senior Republican on the Armed Services Committee - had to say about General Bigot:

"I respectfully, but strongly, disagree with the chairman's view that homosexuality is immoral."

Strong and unambiguous. Clear and unequivocal. From a Republican! I never thought I'd see this day... I guess not all Republicans are hateful cunts after all.

Why TF couldn't Clinton and Obama have just immediately said "fuck no" instead of punting on the questions with excuses that would make anyone nauseated?

Shame!

Yes, I am fired up this morning. I absolutely hate it when people disappoint me. And the top two Democratic Presidential contenders just did.

Note to Hillary and Obama: No pink money for spineless cowards!

Where's the damn checkbox for "none of the above" on the Presidential ballot?? @ 07:51

[premature giddiness] In one of those careful-what-you-wish-for moments... Remember how giddy I was at the prospect of an earlier start to DST thereby "lengthening the days" with longer sunsets coz, well, sunrises don't matter? Remember how I was gloating about never waking up before the sun rises anyway?

Here I am, all jet-lagged and shit, waking up every day this week before 7am. Ugh. My body keeps telling me it's lunchtime! (it's almost 1pm in Cape Town right now)

So annoyed. And sleepy. Remember, boys and girls... a sleepy Kiat is a grumpy (OK, bitchy) Kiat! @ 06:53

March 13, 2007

[war criminal] These pictures are pure schadenfreude. I shouldn't celebrate hate (and 99.9% of the time I don't) but these pictures just warm my heart.

Bush in Sao Paulo

Bush in Guatemala

I love the use of the swastika in place of "S" in B-u-"S"-h. I have no issues with equating Bush with Hitler.

As for "Genocida, Invasor, Fascista, Criminal"... well, those are pretty self-explanatory in Spanish as well as in English.

My wet dream (and countless others as well, as evident by the photos) is to see George W. Bush tried as a war criminal at The Hague.

Dubya - Hated the world over. Love it! @ 14:28

[pussy jokes] NC-17!!! You've been warned :-p

David and I had the best time in Cape Town re-enacting Margaret Cho's "Pussy eat banaNAH" jokes - with our own distinct and local flavor, of course. Most of them started with "Pussy come to South Africa..." using "Pussy" in the royal we sense.

Hall of famers (plus innocuous explanation):

Pussy come to South Africa get trapped in carpark
(David, Daniel and I got locked out trying to get from the pool back to our apartments coz we had forgotten to bring our keys!)

Pussy go to Cape Point get blowjob
(Andy, David, Tony and I took a day trip down to Cape Point and we literally got wind-blasted by the fierce "Cape Doctor" south-easterly winds... and my hair withstood the hurricane force winds *grin*)

Pussy come to South Africa smoke pot then skinny-dip
(This one's pretty self-explanatory... What happens in Cape Town stays in Cape Town!)

Pussy pet pussy
(The whole lot of us went to a Cheetah Outreach facility in Spier, just outside of Cape Town, and petted some adult and baby cheetahs)

Pussy come to South Africa celebrate 40th birthday
(Eww, old pussy... LOL at Chris)

So, it was quite pee-down-your-right-leg hillarious when David sent me a text today that said:

Pussy want to trade photos

ROTFLMAO!!! Pussy is funny. @ 14:15

[new phone?] I put up some new pictures this morning of our two long layovers in London. No, no pics from South Africa yet, especially considering we took more than 7.5 GIGAbytes of pictures while we were there (that must be a new record even for me!). Anyways, go check out the London pics (click below).

Pictures from London 2007

They were all taken with my K800i 3MP phone. Not bad for a camera phone huh?

But... I do think it's time for a new phone. Already? LOL! What... If I can't have a new car this year, I better have a new phone, dammit! Rumor has it that Sony Ericsson is imminently doing a press release on a FIVE mega-pixel camera phone (K850i?). I am wetting myself just thinking about it.

The lust for a fetch new phone continues... @ 10:25

March 12, 2007

[first pics] I didn't take very many pictures during our first layover in London, but here are a couple from Balan's:

David and I both look like death warmed over (complete with massive eyebags) from lack of sleep due to the super-short 6+ hour overnight flight to London. Melissa looks great as usual! @ 23:01

[weeping jesus] We were at Balan's in London's Soho last week for a quick layover brunch with David, Brett and Melissa, and I spotted this on their drinks menu:

Absinthe... :-o Now, *that* will make anyone weep, much less Jesus!

BTW, they also had a bunch of "shots" (I know... at brunch!) that they were hawking for $7 each. Check these out:

mini guiness: kahlua & baileys
slippery nipple: grenadine, white sambuca, baileys
baby woo woo: absolut vodka, peach schnapps, cranberry juice
cement mixer: baileys, cranberry juice
adios motherf***ers: kahlua, tequila
brain haemorrage: grenadine, baileys, peach schnapps
the geek: absolut citron, chambord
black jack: black sambuca, jack daniels
golden shooter: drambuie, baileys, absolute vodka
thin red line: sambuca, tequila, tabasco

How many of those have you heard of?

My personal favorite? "adios motherf***ers", of course! @ 22:53

[ugly people] I saw the funniest baby's T-shirt in London yesterday as we were walking around Covent Garden, and thought I'd share:

Tee-hee :-D @ 22:45

March 11, 2007

[8 hours in london] Hmm, because I skipped lunch, I did have some afternoon tea after a quick 3-hour nap (yes, I'm more exhausted than I let on). I remember the first time Chris and I both had afternoon tea on UA's Business Class consisting of a scone, clotted cream and jelly/jam. We called each the next day and practically squealed in delight: "OMB..." (OK, maybe not Beyonce since she was probably not in existent then) "...don't you just looooove Business Class? Afternoon tea was fab!"

Um, the scones are not that fabulous. I have no idea why we both thought they were before (what were we, 12 then?) but now they're just sustenance so that I won't faint during the exceedingly long mobile lounge travelling time at Dulles, not to mention the interminably long waits caused by horrendous CIS customer service at immigration and customs (oops, was that harsh?).

I would describe us both (he has just hit 40, and I about to hit 30) as hopelessly jaded now. And "awesome" now takes either a lot of money or a lot of airmiles. Totally JQ's (jaded queens), we are.

Speaking of afternoon tea, I almost couldn't believe it but for the second week in a row, we landed in London this morning to an absolutely cloudless and sunny day. The sky was blue and fantastically clear. I, being the prolific picture-taking gaysian that I am, couldn't pass up the advantage of this rare photo-op so I dragged us both around London for some repeat sightseeing.

But before that, we did check-in to the SAA Arrivals Lounge (on the departure level of T1 in a corner so obscure you need a GPS to find it) for a quick shower and freshen up. It is quite civilized after an 11-hour overnight flight from Cape Town, and I shall never complain about First Class ever again :-D Moments later, we were navigating the abysmal and labyrinthine subterranean tunnels that connect London's three main central terminals - tunnels that perhaps half the world's population have trudged through - to go from T1 to T3 for check-in at United. Painlessly enough, by 9:30am we were in central London after an hour-long tube ride.

We alighted at Covent Garden. Today, being Sunday, meant that everything was closed before noon. We walked from there to Leicester Sq (eerily quiet), Trafalgar Sq (sun-drenched and magnificent), Buckingham Palace (glorious, majestic and over-crowded) which also included a quick sighting of the London Eye and Big Ben, Piccadilly Circus, then up Regent Street to Oxford Circus by 11am. Basically, a very quick mini-tour of all of London's most important sights. The sun-lit landmarks made for fabulous pictures (they're forthcoming).

By then, everything had yet to open on Oxford St so we tubed it quickly to Queensway for dim sum at Royal China before coming back to Zara on Oxford Circus for some quick shopping (literally, 45 minutes) before rushing to Paddington. We made a mad dash for the Heathrow Connect which dropped us off at Heathrow Central just after 2pm. The Heathrow Connect, btw, is the way to go. It takes 10 minutes longer than the Heathrow Express (25mins vs 15) and costs less than half (£6.90 vs £15.50). If you have time, wait for the Connect (it, unfortunately, only runs twice an hour).

We collected our hand-carries at Left Luggage and proceeded to the VAT refund counter (yes, I shopped a LOT at Zara). With multiple bags in hand, we were told at security that we could only have one carry-on bag per person even if the airlines permit more in the forward cabins. We were also told that we could unpack everything into multiple bags after security but the limit is strictly one per person at security. WTF? Thank God my new Briggs & Riley carry-on is expandable so we stuffed all my Zara purchases and many, many magazines into it. It was HUGE. Getting everything through security was a chore, especially since there was a "secondary" security for shoes-only. Heathrow is insanely secure (not a bad thing, but not a good thing either when one is time constrained).

Finally, at 2:45pm after blitzing past T3's somewhat decent departure area shops, we made it to the Red Carpet Club where it was already last call for our flight (departing at 3:20pm). We hurriedly changed our clothes (no shower in Business *pout*) and unpacked our hand-carry into multiple bags before proceeding to the gate.

We were in Business Class so we skipped (and Fast Tracked through) many lines but as a future note to everyone, the three hours they recommend for Heathrow is NOT a recommendation.

I think we just flew past Harrisburg on the right and are about to begin our descent into Dulles. Home, at last! The long flights (plus the mad dash through London in between) have made me yearn longingly for my bed. I am going to crash tonight. I feel it coming.

Less than 3 months till my next vacation. I am not, I repeat, NOT going anywhere between now and then.

*cough* Famous last words *cough* @ 19:34 EDT

[UA925, 15A&B] We are cruising at 37,000ft, halfway across the frigid North Atlantic (not that the South Atlantic near Cape Town was any warmer in the Southern Hemisphere summer) and about an third of our the way back to DC from London; a bit more than 3 hours down and about 5 more to go. The flight is about two hours longer than the outbound coz of strong winter jetstream headwinds, which also means a delayed arrival today of about 30 mins. We are on UA925 - United's last flight out of London Heathrow, which is kinda strange since we touched down in London from Cape Town at just past 6 this morning and could've made the earlier flight. But we decided to have a nice long leisurely transit in London instead. It was anything but.

This flight normally leaves after 4pm, but because of the 3-weeks-earlier-than-usual DST change in the US (it occurred this morning at 2am), they had to schedule the flight out of London an hour early (at 3:20pm) so that it arrived in Dulles at the same time as before (7-ish pm). I know, it's all fucked up.

So, yes... For the first time in most people's memories, Daylight Saving Time kicked in at a different date than normal this year. The entire US used to spring forward (e.g. for DC, from EST-5 to EDT-4) on the first Sunday of April. 2 years ago, Congress passed an energy savings law that brought forward DST's start date to the second Sunday of March. I ain't complaining coz that means sunset is now an hour later than normal (7pm instead of 6pm), though that also means that sunrise is an hour later (7:30am instead of 6:30am) but who cares about that since I never wake up before the sun rises anyway. DST will also end later than usual (some time in November) but we'll get to that when the time comes. I love longer days!

Speaking of sunrises and sunsets, we saw the most unbelievable sunrises from MalaMala every morning and, hands down, the most phenomenal sunsets from Cape Town every single evening. They were pearl-clutching, gasp-inducing, hold-on-to-your-manties breathtaking. Pictures will follow.

Anyhoe, which tangent was I on... Oh right, London. But before that, let's back up. Last night, we hopped on the non-stop South African Airways from Cape Town to London - in First Class, of course. It was anything but First Class though. First of all, the AVOD IFE (if you don't get the acronyms, move on to the next paragraph) was broken. Normally, I would've been head-moving-sideways, hair-flying-everywhere, hand-on-hip-with-fingers-wagging furious. But thankfully, this was also the only time that it didn't matter to me since I slept pretty much the entire flight. Then, they didn't have any UK arrival cards AND no Fast Track envelopes either, which meant that we had to "suffer" through the long and slow-moving immigration lines at Heathrow's T1. Again, that didn't matter coz we had an eight hour transit. Finally, the food sucked goat's dick. It was awful. I was gagging the entire time.

None of that mattered though, coz the service was definitely First Class and far better than our outbound leg to Jo'burg. The crew definitely made up for all of SAA's other faults. They were bending over backwards for us, extremely pleasant, and practically worshipping the ground that we walked on. Just the way I like it :-D

I was so massively exhausted I slept a full 8 hours out of the 11+ hour flight (2 for dinner and 1 for breakfast). The lay-flat beds with bed-sheet and duvet were heavenly. The PJ's were adequate and just meh. The toiletry kits were also filled with no-name blahs. Don't even get my started with the age and maintenance of the 747 aircraft (awful, I tell ya). Wait, have I mentioned all this already? I can't remember since I haven't read my own blog in, like, a whole week.

Yes, I am spoilt. I should hardly complain when we were being treated like Queens, but honestly, there were just too many minor faults (that added up to a mole hill) with SAA that kinda makes me not want to fly with them again. I can bet that the majority of their problem is the fact that they are government-owned and they don't have to answer to shareholders. Lack of competition breeds contempt and customer dissatisfaction.

Anyways, I've gone off on too many tangents to recover. More about our day in London next. For now, I'm sitting back and relaxing in the last of 7 rows (Row 15) in Business Class on this United flight. I usually prefer the last row coz it offers the best opportunity to sleep but I'm not in the mood to sleep on this completely-daylight flight, trying to outrun the sun across the Atlantic Ocean. I am a little sleepy though but I shall stay awake so that I can crash when I get home and not be jet-lagged and all. I skipped lunch coz my tummy was over eating airline food, but I didn't skip the Häagen-Dazs dessert :-D I ain't hungry anyways.

Oh, and I just finished watching Dreamgirls which was really good but I don't think it was a travesty for the Academy to not have nominated it for Best Picture. It was great but not the best. JHud was AWEsome as Effie. I, like everyone else I know, cried when she sang And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going. Sensational, and definitely Oscar-worthy. I thought Beyonce did really, really well. Her voice (and her role) paled in comparison to JHud, but her rendition of Listen was spectacular. Just like her flawless beauty. I love Beyonce. And both JHud's and Beyonce's delivery of One Night Only were brilliant; the latter being more Hollywood. Black music rules. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Great movie.

Okie dok's, I've rambled enough for this post. Next one begins shortly... @ 19:15 GMT or 15:15 EDT

March 10, 2007

[super exhausted] I've been kinda AWOL haven't I? Oh well, there was no internet connection (at least none available to us) the entire time we were in South Africa. Muchos apologies. Not that you missed me or anything :-p

I am sooooo tired right now it's not even funny. Two safari days with 5:30am wake-up calls, combined with 4 consecutive nights of non-stop partying coupled with big day-long trips out of Cape Town has just about wiped out all my energy. This is the third vacation in a row - after China and Mexico - where I've felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation. It's insane!

We are about 20 minutes from boarding our South African Airways flight from Cape Town to London (in First Class, of course :-D). Our African adventure officially ends here. I'm sad. I've had *such* an amazing 6 nights in this continent. The memories will last forever.

As I expected, I had a WAY more exciting time at the safari than I let on in my previous post. I was probably too tired to write about how much I enjoyed it but, thinking back now, I had an amazingly good time. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it was to connect with nature in such a luxurious way. I will never forget our time at MalaMala.

And then there's Cape Town. I don't even know where to begin. Cape Town surpassed (by leaps and bounds) all my expectations on what it was gonna be like. First of all, I had an absolutely brilliant time here. We were a fierce contingent of 8 - Chris, Dave, Brett, David, Andy, Daniel, myself and Tony - and we tore through Cape Town on our whirlwind 4 nights here. But even without them, Cape Town was magnificent in its own right. This city is strikingly beautiful. The setting of Cape Town, flanked by Table Mountain, surrounded by majestic peaks, and blessed with a heavenly coastline of infinite bays and capes, is beyond breathtaking. Indescribable, perhaps. The people are also beautiful. The food is fusion at its best and sensational. And to add a huge exclaimation point to the best time we've had here, the weather was exceedingly pleasant the entire time.

I am going to miss Cape Town and South Africa. All the new people I've met, all the new things I've seen, all the new experiences I've had. It's been an exhiliratingly good time and I am still on a high. South Africa has been better than a really, really good drug. I'm addicted and I want more!

I shall return... @ 20:06 Cape Town

March 6, 2007

[the african safari] We are criss-crossing South Africa today, from one end (NE) to the other (SW). I am writing this on our SAA flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town - a short 2-hour hop. Prior to that, we were on a one-hour flight from Mala Mala to Jo'burg. We had a one-hour connection in Jo'burg, which would've been fine had we been checked through from Mala Mala to Cape Town. But we weren't. No matter, it only took us 15 minutes total to retrieve our bags in Jo'burg and check-in for our Cape Town flight. Quick and easy.

Our safari adventure came to a close this morning. As expected, there was not only no internet connectivity in the camp, there wasn't even a mobile phone signal (can you believe I haven't texted anyone in 48 hours??).

All in all, MalaMala was great. The rooms (well, villas) are nice, the food was wonderful, and the game drives were good. Animal sightings galore. We saw the Big Five - elephants, buffalos, rhinos, leopards and lions - within the first two drives (out of a total of 4). We saw an incredible variety of animals, and an astonishing amount of elephants and lions. And we're not even talking giraffes, eagles, impalas, nyalas, hyenas, warthogs, wildebeests, zebras, etc. Plus the hundreds of varieties of birds and all sorts of reptiles and yucky insects. Definitely Wild Africa Unbound.

Would I come back? Hell no.

First of all, I'll admit it. I should've forked up twice as much money and gone to Singita. I should never settle for second best if you can afford the best coz chances are the second best is gonna end up being disappointing coz you know there's something better. And how do I know this? Well, I met a bunch of crazy Crystal Serenity world cruisers who, as a bejewelled lot, have seen it all and done it all. And they felt let down by MalaMala's basic accommodations and meals.

Not that there was anything "basic" about MalaMala. Oh no. MalaMala is definitely luxurious. But it's not luxury. I know, it's hard for me to explain but I was expecting mind-blowing, jaw-dropping, pearl-clutching, you-can't-believe-it-exists kinda luxury for the amount of money we paid. Was it worth it? Hell yea. The all-inclusive (and I mean, *ALL*) nature of the "camps" were quite a good value - luxurious accommodations, 7 hours of game drives a day complete with private guide and Jeep, expansive cook-to-order breakfast, buffet lunch and dinner, free laundry, etc. They took care of everything from waking you up at 5:30am (I'll get to that in a bit) till walking you home after dinner at 10pm. The activities are non-stop and enjoyable.

So why won't I come back to MalaMala? Well, mainly coz the experience with our (first) ranger was less than stellar. Wisdom for future safari-goers: whatever happens, make absolutely certain you like your ranger and are enjoying his services. They make or break your safari. They do everything from checking you in, to being your waiter, to taking you on the two 3 1/2-hour game drives a day. You will be spending a LOT of time with your ranger. He is almost your roomate. If you don't like your ranger, get a new one immediately. Don't wait. We made the mistake of waiting till our last game drive (out of 4) before switching to one that was so much better it was almost shocking that they hired the ranger that we had to start with.

And then there's the whole concept of the safari itself. I kinda overestimated the "resort" expect of the safari. I was expecting a luxury resort but the "camps" aren't really resorts. In fact, safaris are dirty and sweaty and dusty. Not that there weren't enough amenities - spa, pool, bathtub - to keep you clean and rejuvenated, but the Four Seasons it is not. Then, they charge you for alcohol (they don't at Singita). I think that's kinda tacky considering that no one who has paid huge sums to be there would drink themselves silly only to miss game drives the next morning. And speaking of morning, I mean *morning*. Like, 5:30am wake-up calls :-o Those were really harsh considering we had just gotten to South Africa and had not gotten adjusted to the timezone yet (5:30am in SA is 10:30pm in DC!). It just felt like too much work for a "resort" or a relaxing vacation.

Why 5:30am? In summer, the animals sleep during the heat of the day so 6:00-9:30am and 4:00-7:30pm are the perfect times for animal sightings and game drives (plus it's not so hot for humans either). Nightime is the best, but you can't see anything. So the early start to the safari days were kinda necessary. Some people didn't bother, but they were missing out BIGtime.

I think at the end of the day, my expectations were so sky-high it would've been impossible for any resort or safari camp to meet. For the money they were charging us (which I initially thought was a staggering amount of money, but of course I now think it's reasonable considering what they give you), I was expecting a sybaritic, pampered, all-senses-sated experience. In short, nothing short of sensational. I definitely wasn't expecting buffet-style lunches and dinners (they don't do that at Singita) or lack of high-speed internet connectivity in the rooms (I wouldn't have cared if they had offered private plunge pools like they do at Singita). Like I said, perhaps I was expecting too much, not knowing the value for money quotient.

But really, you were there for the animals. And in Mala Mala, they were nothing short of sensational. But even there, I was expecting too much - kinda was hoping for a cross between Jurassic Park and Lion King with lots of crazy animals every few feet. That was ridiculous on my part due to lack of African wildlife knowledge. On any given game drive, you saw up to 100 animals. I was expecting thousands. I really thought the whole Pride Rock thingie in Lion King where all the animals get together and sing Kumbaya, or the Jurassic Park scene where a whole bunch of animals feed off the same pond, really existed. LOL! I know, I'm so silly.

But I did really *love* the animals. Even the jaded would be stunned, or satisfied at the very least. The guides are trained to drive their vehicles as close as possible to the animals without interfering with their activities. Trust me when I say we had some really, really, *really* close encounters with all the animals I mentioned above. So much so I even jumped from one side of the vehicle to the other (and shrivelled up into a ball) coz I was freaking out when they got too close. Hearing the lions roar or a baby elephant swing its trunk at you from a few feet away without any barriers between you and them is a ground-breaking experience. We got some phenomenal pictures, especially from Tony's new Canon G7. But nothing beats being there and seeing them. Pictures definitely don't do it justice in this case.

Perhaps one day when I've saved up enough money, I will go back to Sabi Sand/Kruger and check out Singita (current rate is $2100/nt!), now that my expectations about what a safari is like have been properly formed. But until then, the memories of my first ever glimpse of Africa and my first ever African safari will last me a lifetime. Nothing brings you as close to Africa's wild nature as an African safari in Sabi Sand. Go and be astonished!

Next stop: Cape Town for four nights. The African adventure continues... @ 16:05 JNB-CPT

March 4, 2007

[internet, finally!] So we left the International Terminal and sauntered over to the SAA Baobab Business Class lounge over here in the Domestic Terminal. I broke down and finally paid R30 ($4) for 30 minutes of internet service so that I can post all this shit. Plus, who knows if they'll have internet access at the safari in the middle of the national park.

The Baobab lounge is HUGE. Much nicer than the Cycad lounge in Heathrow and the Arrivals lounge in JNB. Our flight boards in 10, which means I should get going.

*Yawn* Jet-lag's a bitch! @ 10:30 Johannesburg

[out in africa] We're here! My first time ever in the African continent. We landed at Johannesburg O.R. Tambo's International Airport bright and early this morning, on-time, at 7am (7 hours ahead of DC) after an overnight flight from London. We bought a local SIM card (I have SIMs from all over - China, Australia, Italy, South Africa, UK, Malaysia, etc.), then walked over to the domestic terminal to dump our bags for the onward flight. And now, 2 hours into our layover with 2 more hours to go before our next flight, we are nicely resting in the SAA Arrivals Lounge after a wonderful and much-needed shit/shower/shave. The shower here is not as nice as London but I ain't complainin'. I feel clean and refresh.

BTW, they speak English weirdly here. I misunderstand one or two words out of every sentence. It's quite bizarre. Dunno if it's coz they're mixing in some native language (kinda like I do with Manglish/Singlish which I doubt many Westerners understand either). Two of my management peeps at work are South Africans and they don't sound incoherent. Maybe it's just here *shrug*

Anyhoe, the Arrivals Lounge is impossible to find. Heed these tips: As soon as you walk out of the customs area and into Jo'burg's Int'l Arrivals Hall, look straight ahead and walk straight to the escalators at the far end of the Hall. Go upstairs, make a right and a right again (kinda like a U-turn) and you'll see the Arrivals Lounge. Trust me, we searched high and low for these lovely showers. Also, once you walk into the Arrivals Hall, the first kiosk on the left (MTN) is the cheaper of the two mobile providers as far as Prepaid SIM is concerned. There are ATMs on the left and just about everywhere. Aside from the Arrivals Lounge, Jo'burg Airport is a Third World dump. Yes, I'm being harsh coz Dulles and Heathrow are similarly bad. I'm just not a big fan of dumpy airports. Build them like they do in Asia!

10h 10m... I thought it was far too short. Not that SAA's First Class was anything to shout about. At least not compared to Singapore Airlines (SQ), Lufthansa LH) or even Asiana (OZ), but definitely better than United (ahem, ANYthing is better than United). Well, you already heard all about the lounge in London. I expected more coz London-Jo'burg (2 jumbo jets daily) and London-Cape Town are like SAA's flagship routes. The obnoxious, intrusive and omnipresent security checkpoints in London were not SAA's fault but they did nothing to make the First Class experience any better. Even boarding was a mess, until Tony threw his weight around and got an SAA employee to escort us to the front of the line so that we didn't have to queue up with the heathens to board the 747. Mmm-hmm, that's right :-D

SAA's First Class section is in the nose section of the wing similar to SQ and OZ. LH's is in the upper deck which I think is much nicer and more private. Anyhoe, let's start with service - hectic but efficient and refined, cordial and friendly but they weren't warm either. I would say SQ still tops, with LH's ruthless efficiency in close second. I'm sure these SAA FAs are veterans on the LHR-JNB route but for some reason, they got the whole sequence of dinner all confused for all the passengers, and they kept running into things. Things were also moving at light speed for some reason. I guess most of the passengers just wanted to eat and then crash for the night, as evident by the fact that almost everyone swapped their work/travel clothes with the no-name-brand jammies (and no-name-brand toiletries either, WTF is up with that??). But I wanted to enjoy my five-star dining experience in the sky, dammit!

Another point about the service: They made us get our own newspapers and magazines. They made us hang our own clothes in the closet. It's not like I can't do any of those things myself. In fact, I don't mind helping 'em out. But I also wanted to be spoilt. And pampered. And served. Damn right.

Just like when I'm at home *GRIN* *giggles at Tony*.

In the end, I, too, wanted to eat and crash coz I was majorly tired from the lack of sleep on the IAD-LHR flight the night before. Well, as with all good plans... First of all, dinner was over before the entertainment system got going. OK, before I continue, the entertainment (Audio Visual On-Demand) is fabulous. The selection and variety is not as good as SQ's but the controls are superior. There were so many movies I could watch but I picked Casino Royale; and I'm glad I did coz Daniel Craig is such a hottie.

So yea, the most annoying thing was that I couldn't watch the movie during dinner because they had to play a short video first. Well, short my ass. A full 90 minutes into the flight after I had mopped up the last bit of my chocolate cheesecake dessert, the AVOD system finally comes on. I didn't get to bed until 4 hours into the flight. Everyone else didn't bother. The FAs made their lay-flat seat/bed i.e. put down sheets and a comforter, and they were all sound asleep after dinner. I was loving the AVOD system.

I didn't have seriously high expectations about the food, like, what is South African food anyway? Answer: Continental fusion with hints of Indian influences. I was disappointed that they didn't have the white wine I wanted (South African chenin blanc) or the red wine Tony wanted. Even the champagne was sub-par. But the pits was when they didn't even have caviar. WTF, no caviar in First Class? I was gonna refer them to a section in the Geneva Conventions. Talk about crimes against humanity.

But what they did have was DE-LI-CIOUS. My seared-prawn-salmon-mango appetizer thingie was phenomenal. The salad that followed, with perfect goat-cheese and juicy sun-dried tomatoes, was also very good (yes, it had to be so if I'm saying a *salad* is good). My entree was finger-lickin' good - more seared prawns with spicy tomato chunks and basmati rice (I love rice!). The cheese platter that followed was yummy, though not memorable. The chocolate cheesecake dessert was decadent and to-die-for. I actually had a really good meal. But the caviar's absence was sorely missed, nonetheless.

Breakfast was delicious as well. You could pretty much choose what you wanted from a long list of items which included cereal, yoghurt, fruit, eggs, bacon, ham, sauces, potatoes, mushrooms, sausages, omelette, pancakes etc. Mind-boggling. Whatever I got in the end was delicious. The OJ was freshly squeezed. Definitely no complaints in the food department.

In the end, I got maybe 5 hours of sleep which wasn't too bad but definitely not feeling perky today. I had a good time onboard. I am looking forward to my return journey from Cape Town to London.

But for now, let's get the safari going! Next stop, Mala Mala. @ 09:35 Johannesburg

March 3, 2007

[hectic friday] Yesterday was a lonnng ass day. Work kicked my ass. I had to get a haircut. I had to pack. We had to rush to the airport. Exhausting.

It all started with a hungover start to the day, lol. For the first time since time began, I actually showed up to work before my boss did (who walked in looking all ragged from her drunk state the night before *giggle*). And then I proceeded to spend most of my day troubleshooting a problem with our Tokyo office until my eye sockets were practically fused into my LCD monitor at work. No, it's still not solved but I got damn close towards the end of the day which made me late for my hair appointment and the tardiness just snowballed from there.

Plus, the two-hour lunch we took didn't help :-D What? The visiting contractors were buying at Equinox and hell if I'm gonna turn down a free expensive lunch. We had a fetch lunch though and it was 60+° outside which made it all the more fetch.

Speaking of visiting contractors... One of them's Ukrainian and the other's a Kiwi. The Ukrainian... well, let's just say the long, hard winters have left him with quite a sunny disposition on life (yes, I'm being facetious). The Kiwi? As friendly as anyone can be. Then again, he has to be considering there are hardly any humans in his home country (hmm, I wonder if he can speak sheep...).

Speaking of Kiwi dude... he buzzed me on Thursday and, well, here's the gist:

Kiwi:: [in a thick Ozzie/Kiwi accent] Where're we going for lunch?
Me:: Dunno, what do you want to eat?
Kiwi:: How about chinese?
Me:: Cheap chinese?
Kiwi:: Sure.
Me:: You wanna eat me?
Boss alternates between laughing and choking, co-worker is ready to pounce on her and perform the Heimlich
Kiwi:: I want a meal, not a snack.

Mmm-hmm. So much love.

Anyhoe, where was I... oh right, long day. So, I was late for my haircut, late to get home, packing took longer than I thought, ate some noodle soup before heading to the airport. We get to the airport and we literally were the last to board the plane because that was how down-to-the-wire it was with our upgrades. Initially, we were told that they only had 2 open seats left in the 49-seat Business Class (777) but we were number 3 and 4 on the list. Ohhh, you should've seen my face when I heard that we weren't number 1 and 2. It was a mixture of shock and disgust, kinda like when I bought a mojito from Halo the other day and they had jacked the price up (once again) to $12.

At the very last moment, United did some reshuffling, bumped a few full-fare Business passengers to First, and made room just for me and Tony. Yay. We were seated separately but somehow Tony managed to trade my window seat for an aisle seat next to his middle seat so all was good. A window for an aisle... can you believe it? Some people are so nice.

I pretty much crashed after I got onboard, skipping dinner, the movie (Casino Royale! Damn...) and breakfast, though I only slept in fits. Dunno why but I wasn't really sleeping very well. It didn't help that our flight was, like, the shortest ever - 6 1/2 hours to London! Amazing.

We landed to a, like I mentioned earlier, shockingly clear and sunny day in London. We cleared immigration and customs in Terminal 3 and were at the Heathrow Express station in 30 minutes (10:10). Since lunch wasn't till noon, we decided to dump our hand luggage in Terminal 1 - where SAA flies out of - and queued for the Oyster card at the Tube station. Then we hopped on a Piccadilly Line train to Piccadilly Circus which took 45 minutes.

And we're boarding now. Ciao bella! @ 17:36 London Heathrow

[sunny and clear] You would not believe me even if I told you this, but I'm comfortably seated in South African Airways' Cycad First Class Lounge in London Heathrow's Terminal 1, looking out the window and guess what? It's shockingly sunny and clear in London today. You heard me. Sunny and clear on a winter's day in London. Clear, as in I can see blue sky! I know! Blimey.

First impressions of the lounge? Kinda meh and a lotta tiny, which makes it kinda hectic and noisy. There are not enough chairs in here for all the First Class passengers that they have and that's kinda sad. And no free wi-fi! WTF? What kinda lame-ass Third World lounge is this. They have some wired PCs, which I wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole (shared computers? eww, germy), and they have paid wireless access. Stank. I can't even post this until I get to Jo'burg.

But... they do have excellent shower facilities and considering that we were on an overnight flight from DC last night and that we've been gallivanting around London for much of the afternoon, they were heaven-sent indeed. Nothing like a good shower to make you feel refreshed and ready for another trans-continental flight. They also have food (from a menu!) and alcohol and pretty much anything you can consume... all for free. From a waiter, even. I love being waited on ;-)

I'm gonna save my appetite for later, though. Our flight to Johannesburg leaves at 6pm and I'm looking forward to trying out SAA's First Class (seat, food, entertainment, etc.). Plus, I'm still full from the big brunch that we had just now at Balan's in gay ol' Soho with Melissa, Brett/David and their friends. And drunk! We had pitchers of mimosas, bloody marys, and lots and lots of champagne cocktails. Kwazy and so fetch. I had way too much to drink which was not a good idea considering my jet-lag and lack of sleep.

It was good to see Melissa again after a year - new job, new man. Plus, she's staying in London for the long-term. I know, she chose London over Sydney. I think she's insane!

Quite a bit has changed since the last time we were here in London. For one, the price of a single Tube journey within Zone 1 and the price of the Heathrow Express train has gone up to ever more shocking levels. The HEX is now £15.50 each way (up £1 from last year), which means a one-way ticket for the two of us cost $61! And one Tube journey within Zone 1 is now £4 ($8!), up £1 from last year. We finally braved the lines and got ourselves an Oyster card to save money on our occasional Tube journeys (with the Oyster, it's "only" £1.50). And the pound... don't even get me started about the pound! Ridick.

Well, goodbye to London for now. We'll be back here in 8 days for 8 hours or so on our way back to DC from Cape Town. Next stop, Jo'burg! @ 17:11 London Heathrow

March 2, 2007

[10,000mi for summer] Yes, we're on the go again! (stop groaning)

Guess where we're going tonight? :-D

South Africa, wheee! No, I'm not gonna go say hi to Oprah :-p

Hmm, I just realized we're taking THREE overnight flights just to spend 6 nights in South Africa. Kwazy! All for Chris' 40th. Bitch better be worth it, LOL.

We are leaving tonight for London (overnight flight #1). And no, we haven't gotten upgraded yet (grrr) but our past several trips have gotten upgraded at the gate so I'm ever hopeful. If not, well, Tony's gonna get an earful, lol! I intend to sleep all the way to London (yes, I'm so jaded I don't even want to eat the meal they serve in Business Class anymore) and arrive refreshed for our 8-hour layover, which will include a fetch lunch in Soho with the boys and my friend Melissa.

At 6pm GMT tomorrow, we leave Heathrow for Johannesburg (overnight flight #2) on South African Airways in, get this, First Class! HOT. I can't wait. I'm so excited I'm peeing down my right leg. It's an 11-hour flight and it's one of those flights that I wish were longer coz I'm gonna have to sleep through most of it but I don't really want to coz I want to eat and drink and play with all the fancy buttons and gadgets and and and... Yea, I'm such a lil' kid. A lil' kid who gets to fly First Class! Hehe...

We arrive in Jo'burg bright and early on SUNDAY morning (Good God), whereby we'll have a four hour layover before hopping a short one-hour flight to MalaMala. I know... WTF is MalaMala??

From the map above, MalaMala is located in Sabi Sand (far right, about two-thirds down) which is a 153,000-acre private game reserve (safari!!!) in Mpumalanga (aren't African names fetch?) off of Kruger National Park on the border of South Africa and Mozambique. Looking at the map on the bottom left, Kruger is in the upper-right corner of South Africa, diagonally opposite of Cape Town which is in the lower-left corner.

We will be staying in the MalaMala main camp, which occupies a prime position on the banks of the Sand River, for two nights. Totally fierce. I'm so excited about seeing Lions and Leopards and Elephants and Rhinos and Buffaloes (the Big 5), oh my!

Four nights in Cape Town after that, and then we fly back from Cape Town to London (overnight flight #3) and onward to DC on Sunday (all upgraded, of course).

And how on earth am I getting the next week off for yet another vacation? Well, both my team leader and my deputy division chief are South African. They approved it with barely a pip, and they're more excited for me than I am about going.

Yes, we're flying 10,000 miles each way just so that I can have summer in winter. I have flown so damn much in the past few months they should just give me my own plane.

Yay, Africa! @ 11:49

[one night in jr's] If it's Thursday night, it must be all-you-can-drink-till-the-ceiling-starts-spinning Happy Hour at JR's! ;-)

Well, I didn't have time to transfer the actual picture over from my phone to my laptop, so all you get is this small, non-clickable image... for now.

Me and my ho's - Brett and Evan.

But it's the picture that I didn't take that is the story today. The picture I didn't take of me and my boss, that is! *giggle*

Mmm-hmm, I dragged my new-to-DC boss to JR's last night together with one of our visiting contractors from NYC. My boss is such a lightweight - she was loopy on one beer and one vodka-cran. Well, to be fair, bartender Jason's vodka-crans are lethal. Plus, she's tiny. And we all went there on an empty stomach. Frankly, I'm amazed she found her way to the Metro station and took the train in the right direction, lol.

Yes, we are leaving tonight for 9 days (back on the 11th). No, I haven't packed coz I got tanked at JR's last night instead.

Procrastinator, party of one, your table (and your suitcase) is waiting!! @ 10:47

March 1, 2007

[not golden] OK, I'm here to dispel any media-related hype you have heard about how this year is the Year of the Golden Pig.

It is not. This is the Year of the Fire Pig. The Golden Pig last occurred in 1971 and the next one's in 2031 (60-year cycles).

But who's listening? Chinese across the globe have already crowned 2007 as the Year of the Baby. The Muslims and the Jews are cringing, but the Motherland (China :-p) is bracing for 20% more births this year compared to the norm of 16 million births (even with the One-Child Policy, that's the same birth rate as the US which records about 4mn births/yr). Doesn't sound like much? That's 3 million more fat, happy and prosperous (and honest too, apparently) piglets! Shanghai alone is expecting 137,000 babies this year which would double the number in 2006. Beijing has forecasted 170,000 babies vs 129,000 last year. Residents of both Shanghai and Beijing are bound by China's One-Child Policy which limits city-dwellers to one child.

Fears of problems that might arise include a labor shortage (lots of pregnant women on maternity leave), lines to see doctors, and a shortage of maternity beds.

Back in 2000 - during the ultra-auspicious and super-blessed Year of the Golden Dragon - more than 36 million babies were born in China, nearly double the number in 1999 and 2001. Shocking.

And what happens when these "golden" piglets and baby dragons reach school age? Competition for placements in the best schools will be stiffer and more heated than usual. So much so that China has called upon its city planners to start taking account of auspicious years (like 2000 and 2007) when considering education demand, while appealing to its citizens to abandon superstition.

For a country (and a population which accounts for 1 in every 4 of humanity) that's rapidly rushing headfirst towards modernity, ancient culture is still a particularly powerful gripping force on Chinese society.

OK, OK... I'm a little superstitious too when it comes to these 12 little animals. I'm a (fire) snake and behave like one too, LOL! How appropriate. Whatev... Augustus Caesar, Gandhi and JFK were all fire snakes :-p @ 10:41

More >>

31 :: 10 months ago
30 :: the weekend saga...
30 :: ...in words
30 :: the past week...
30 :: correo-e en español
27 :: pussy collection
27 :: weather bliss
26 :: 100k pee
26 :: 500 days
26 :: cojonudo
26 :: i ♥ subways
26 :: it smells?
26 :: most beloved
25 :: pee
23 :: fluc you
21 :: disarming
20 :: beautiful cape town
20 :: i want...
20 :: random thoughts
19 :: bush's ashes
16 :: wild weather
15 :: none of the above
15 :: premature giddiness
13 :: war criminal
13 :: pussy jokes
13 :: new phone?
12 :: first pics
12 :: weeping jesus
12 :: ugly people
11 :: 8 hours in london
11 :: UA925, 15A&B
10 :: super exhausted
06 :: the african safari
04 :: internet, finally!
04 :: out in africa
03 :: hectic friday
03 :: sunny and clear
02 :: 10,000mi for summer
02 :: one night in jr's
01 :: not golden